he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
