I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
