New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
