I met the friendliest cop last night
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Less talking, more tequila
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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