I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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