My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize