Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize