I wish my penis had an off switch
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
