So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
