Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
