I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
