Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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