PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
How does it feel to date your dad?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
