i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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