Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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