Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
