mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
