I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
