I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
