She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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