You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
