i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
