Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
