I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
