I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
