Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
