Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize