Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.

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(858): View more from California

I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume

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(650): View more from California

last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'

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(702): View more from Nevada

Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.

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(208): View more from Idaho

My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed

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(361): View more from Texas

I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.

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(770): View more from Georgia

She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.

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(760): View more from California

Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.

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