If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
