there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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