highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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