I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Randomize
