We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
