Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Sober January is a disaster.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
