i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
