I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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