The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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