We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
