I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
he was CRYING into my vagina
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
