ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
