oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just threw up on my dentist
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
