i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
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