so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
