omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
