3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
