i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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