You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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