Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
