As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
