I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
