I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
