Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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