based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
