Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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