I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
