I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Who died my cat blue again?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize