dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
