i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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