Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
