just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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