If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
