she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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