I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
