My first STD was from a foam party
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
