I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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