Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
