I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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