I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
