My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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