dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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